Oh Snap!
by vaughnrock
Summary: What happens when horny Edward is in a parking lot with bella and can’t wait anymore? Read and see, it’s so worth your time :D Crack Fic, Major OOC :D


Summary: What happens when horny Edward is in a parking lot with bella and can't wait anymore? Read and see, it's so worth your time :D

Oh Snap!

Edwards Pov

"Edward, stop touching me there, I need to go to the store so I can bake the cake for your sisters birthday!" Bella said.

"But Bellaaa!!" I whined, "I want you and I really need to be inside you!"

"Edward we're almost to the store, once we get in and get out, you can touch me all you want", Bella said sternly.

"Fine", I said, I'm just going to pull a sneak attack when she least expects it. I sniggered to myself.

She looked at me funny.

"What?" I asked innocently.

"You're a freak", she said.

"I'm a super freak, super freak I'm super freaky yaaaaw!"

She ignored me and pulled into Wal-Mart.

I giggled with excitement as planned in my head what's to come.

She parked the truck, and I waited patiently as she waited for the roar to die down.  
It died, and I pounced.

She screamed as I jumped on her and thrust my hips into her face.

"Bella! You will not let me suffer any longer!! Little Eddie is in pain! Look at him!"

I unzipped my pants and pulled down my boxers only to have little Eddie slap her in the face.

She cried out as my hard monster slapped her in the face and then she gasped and grimaced when she saw a random glob of cum sliding down her face.

I inwardly giggled, then put back on my angry demeanor

"Bella! Look at him! He's purple!! My little man should not be purple, look at all the pain you put him through", I started the water works and sobbed, I wrapped my arms around the head of the seat and started shaking, I felt little Eddie working his way through the cracks of Bella's mouth.

Bella pushed me off her face, and I hit the stirring wheel causing my butt to hit the horn, which honked and made many pedestrians look threw the car.

I saw an old lady drop her bags and pinch her boob." Ew, that's nasty as fuck, ew!!" Then she lifted up her dress and I said her dig threw some white hair between her legs and almost gagged all over Bella, nobody's vagina should be that hairy!!! My boner was way dead and I don't think he'll ever come back up. Stupid old lady, I should kill her.

I pulled my boxers and pants back up and got out the car, I shut the door and leaned against it, waiting for Bella to get out.

I heard a knocking against the door and assumed it was Bella's seat belt, I totally forgot I was leaning on the door, so she rolled the window down and knocked me upside the head with her Prada purse.

"Edward!" She yelled, Get the fuck off the door, you know the other one's broken.

I howled in pain as the buckles of the purse about knocked me unconscious, I got off the door and followed her into Wal-Mart, people were staring at us, Bella's hair was a mess, and she still had cum on her face, but it was dry now. She walked to the girl's potty, so I waited outside the door.

Ten minutes later and she still hasn't come out, "WHERE THE FUCK IS SHE", I screamed, glared at everybody that looked at me like I was special, she still wasn't here. So I went up to the cash register, grabbed the microphone and started screaming into it, "Bella! I want my money back, you can't have it I changed my mind, you've been mean to me all day, and I can't take it anymore, first you don't fuck me, then you don't suck me, I'm a wreck Bella, I need you!" I sobbed into the microphone uncontrollably.

"Edward", I heard Bella whisper, I looked around, and I couldn't find her," Bella! Where are you!"

"Look down", I heard her whisper again, I looked down, and there she was with Wal-Mart shopping bags in hand.

"Bella" I said softly into the microphone.

" Get off the mic Edward"

"Why?" I asked curiously, I was having fun.

"Because security is right behind you and they have hand cuffs" she hissed

I turned around slowly, "Um, hey officers, I can explain everything."

They nodded at me to explain,

I started, "ITS ALL BELLA'S FAULT SHE DID IT." And I hauled ass out of that store and hopped in the truck and started to back out, until I heard a thump. I looked around for the security guards and I saw them at the entrance with their guns in hand. I risked getting out off the car to see what I hit.

I screamed in terror as I saw Bella's head cracked open with chocolate frosting smeared over her face, and random brain guts spilling from her ears.

"Oh my gosh, Bella, I'm so sorry please forgive me!! Nooo!!" I said panicking and pulling my hair.

She looked at me and smiled, I heard her whisper for me to come to her.

"Bella what is it? I'm so sorry I did this to you Bella", I was so crushed, and I wanted her to know how I felt. "You're the reason in my life, you're the inspiration!" I started singing to her.

"Please stop singing Chicago, I'm not dead yet, and you know you could save me instead of wasting time, but oh well, so I'm going to get this over with." She took a deep breath, "Edward, I'm pregnant."

I screamed in terror once more, "When did this happen! Why didn't you tell me", I sobbed and rested my head upon her bleeding one.

"Ouch Edward get off my head your killing me!" She struggled to voice out.

"Bella", I whimpered "Why didn't you tell me?" I cried.

"Because it's not your baby" she whispered.

"WHOSE BABY IS IT", I screamed.

She looked at me one last time before her eyes closed forever.

"Bella", I sobbed," Bella no!"

She didn't open her eyes, and I wasn't having that shit.

"BELLA, WAKE THE FUCK UP YOU KNOW YOU AINT DEAD, GIRL DON'T MAKE ME GO SHA NAY NAY AND BITCH SLAP YO HO ASS." I said, feeling a little gangster.

She glared up at me.

"Fine, the baby is Carlisle's, happy?" she asked.

That ticked me off and I stood up and kicked her in the head, making her die for the last time tonight.

"Goodbye slut, I thought what we had was special", and I hoped in the truck, I saw her stand up and make her way to the truck door,"Bella what the fuck?"

"Edward", I heard her say.

"No", I said and opened the door making her fall in front of the truck.

I heard her scream and drove up to run her over.

I was tired of looking at her , so I reversed and put it in drive once more to run her over again.

"Gosh bitch! Die!" I yelled at her.

I saw her roll under a van, and I felt satisfied.

So I drove home.

And decided when I got there, after I took my nap, I would kill my father.

The end.

A/N: I hoped you enjoyed that lol, this came out completely diffent then I wanted it to, muse kicked brain to the curve and she wrote herself lol. i would love if you reviewed so you could let me know if I should continue with this :D later gators.


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